coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
