Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
