I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
