the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
