I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
