you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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