people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
