Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When did angry sex become our thing?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
