btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
