Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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