One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
