i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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