70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
