So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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