we're blogging at a bar
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
