The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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