I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
there was a trapeze. enough said
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
