I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
