She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
