You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
