They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
