YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
