hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
