Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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