being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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