Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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