can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
