Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
