I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
