new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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