i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Randomize
