Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
