at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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