i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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