You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
