I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
