I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
no, he came in my armpit
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
