I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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