i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
