I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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