Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's just like the Real World with babies
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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