Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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