Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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