if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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