the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
