just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
