...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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