I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
