I think i peed on brittanys purse
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
