Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
