i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
