i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
