This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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