i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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