I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
