Buhtt sex?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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