I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
