The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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