omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
